Vanderpump Rules Season 1 Ep 5 Recap

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SPOILER ALERT: If you have not viewed Episode 5 of Season 1, proceed with caution.

SOOOOOO...........Episode 5.  I have two words: Ghetto B$tch.  Never in a million years would I have thought that Lisa Vanderpump of all people would murmur those words but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The episode begins at Lisa's home where she is preparing for a tea party (perhaps the tea party showcased on next week's RHOBH? guess we'll have to tune in) by bringing a few Sur staff to setup.  She pulls Jax aside who clearly is still upset and emotional about what went down in Vegas for Stassi's birthday weekend. 

Speaking of Stassi, her world is far from what it was before she left for the fun and fighting-err festivities.  She even says in confessional that walking into work is like literally walking into hell.  Her 'yes' women fan club are no longer her friends, she cannot leave to go home because the manager will not let her and low and behold, Jax is dating another Sur employee, recovering meth addict Laura-Leigh.  Though Jax says it just sorta happened and insists that she is NOT a rebound, we cannot help but doubt it.  Not only are they way too lovey dovey for such a short amount of time being together, Jax boasts that she is the best sex of his life negating to mention little more about her.

http://www.realitywanted.com/newsitem/6119-vanderpump-rules-episode-5-recap-jax-moves-on#.URHPHSAo5jo

What's more, I can't help but get the impression that Laura-Leigh is actually kind of needy....I meant aside from the INCREDIBLY SQUEAKY ANNOYING voice that emanates from her lips.  If it weren't for the content of what was being said throughout the episode, I would have fast forwarded every single time she spoke.  Anyway, she mentions to the group that she had a war of words via text with Stassi.  Although Stassi's text are classic Stassi language, they did give incite to things happening in previous days i.e. Laura-Leigh approaching Stassi to inform her of the new relationship with Jax.  Stassi did reply by insulting her and basically telling LL she should enjoy her sloppy seconds and know that everyone around her knows how pathetic she is to which Laura responded "I can live with that".  Cute come back LL you do look needy, you ARE enjoying her seconds and come on..............do you REALLY think your new found relationship with Jax is gonna work? Really?

Afterward, Lisa decides to form a staff meeting.  At first I thought it wasn't necessary given that it probably wasn't her business but when she explained that the fact most of her employees were there and caused a ruckus, their behavior became a reflection of Sur to which I absolutely, hands down agreed.  Jax took complete and utter responsibility for going to Vegas uninvited and inciting the fight.  Of course the meeting went how you would expect a meeting with Stassi and everyone else would go - lots of yelling, finger pointing and insults.  One thing I have to say I was surprised about is that Stassi owned up to every last thing Laura claimed that Stassi did and sent her via text.  Probably the only time this will happen, I give Stassi a resounding round of applause.  She owned up to all her bullying but am I the only one who thought they were re-watching Regina George in Mean Girls?

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The discussion ended with not much resolve except that it came to Lisa's attention that Stassi is seriously threatening Laura-Leigh and the realization that Stassi is being a "Ghetto B$tch".  The 5 minute performance LL gave everyone telling Stassi was classic and entertaining though....especially when she exclaimed "whoa" as she finally stopped for air and plopped herself down.

Later, Stassi attends Scheana's first live performance......like ever with full intentions of mocking and making fun of her but to her chagrin Scheana actually did a helluva job on stage.  Seeing that she has no friends left and questioning everything, Stassi attempts to leave but ends up in get this, SCHEANA'S arms crying. Wow, talk about tides turning, huh? Scheana managed to console the sobbing bully and bring her back into the venue where they had a drink.....but Stassi made Scheana pay of course. 

Reflections on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 12

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So spoilers ahead, if you have not seen Season 3 Episode 12 of the RHOBH please proceed with caution.

The episode begins with the ladies still in Las Vegas for Brandi's female empowerment by dancing against a pole workshop.  I have to say Brandi did a good job, she was pretty nervous as evidenced from last week's episode but soon enough, she was in her element and having fun.  So were the ladies, EVEN Lisa, even YOLANDA for that matter.  But of course, every party needs a pooper and I guess that's why they invited Marisa Zanuck. If you remember, Brandi has been hanging with her since Kyle's ill-fated dinner party in which Faye Resnick ran her out of the dinner in tears. Brandi and Marisa have been pretty chummy ever since and Brandi must have felt compelled to invite her to the girls getaway.  Boy was she miserable.  She clearly stated that she sees no female empowerment in ANY part of pole dancing........so MY questions is, why in san heck did she go to Vegas? She knew the purpose of the trip before she left Cali.  I'm just saying, if she didn't want to be there THIS blogger would have been more than happy to have taken her place.  She was so ungrateful being there that she stepped away from her VERY short stint walking around the pole and grunted her disdain for the activity. smh.  Not that this blogger is supporting pole dancing, but it was meant to be a fun event with friends, nothing more.  NOT something to get all Gloria Steinem about. sheesh.

meanwhile back home, Kim is going in for surgery on her nose.  Kyle isn't aware of this until the day of, during a conversation she has with Kim on the phone in the limo with the rest of the ladies sitting all around.  or perhaps Kim isn't aware if she is going to have surgery that day either, maybe yes, maybe no she's not sure (basic Kimspeak).  The women are concerned about her having such a serious procedure done and are surprised at Kyle's nonchalance, especially Yolanda.  However, given Kim's behavior in the past seasons (and presumably her entire life before now), this is just another incident that Kim has gone and done....is it really surprising Kyle can be all up in arms about it anymore? That kind of endless caring can be exhausting and would have ruined her weekend of which Kim would have no apologies for causing.

In other news, Adrienne has decided to start a bag line....just what the economy needs, ANOTHER handbag line.  She makes a tired jab at Brandi....i'm not sure what else.  I stopped paying attention. Same goes for her and Paul's time in the laser hair removal session.  After noting that he really needed to get it done, I went to get a refill of my master cleanse diet lemonade from the fridge.

I returned when the ladies were congregating for what would be yet another epic argument.  Aside from being impressed by the gorgeous setup for the dinner, I was shocked to see Yolanda drinking straight up tequila........I half expected her to recite to Kyle any and all bizarre health benefits of drinking the alcohol but alas, she did not.  Soon after, Marisa spills red wine on a white dress but she insists on pursuing her own method for clearing up the stain - by pouring WHITE wine on the frock because she "heard" Barbra Streisand once did that at a party.  Honey, just because you've heard that something worked at a party that you were not in attendance doesn't mean that it will work and it certainly doesn't mean that you need to take such an opportunity to give it a try.  Perhaps it MAY work but this blogger has never heard of one wine cancelling out the stain left by another. *rolls eyes*

The ladies sit down for a beautiful dinner, or what would have been a beautiful dinner. However, it IS Bravo and the weekend was going way too smoothly.  Soon enough the argument arises about Adrienne, YET AGAIN with Brandi, Camille, Lisa and Kyle throwing jabs at each other.  So much was said and certainly too much to repeat here but basically the argument went back as far as Brandi and Camille preparing for the Season 2 reunion show and knowing beforehand that Adrienne planned to attack Lisa and wanted to draft them into her own personal army.  After all was said and done, Camille became angry that Brandi had the audacity to be honest and state the facts of Camille's prior knowledge to the ambush.  Just how Camille thought it was needed to point out that Lisa owns only 51% of SUR still escapes me.  Lisa seemed more angry that Kyle her "friend" sticks up for everyone else BUT Lisa and Kyle, as always, took up for Adrienne.  Amazingly enough, Yoda, I mean Yolanda pointed out that the argument keeps arising yet Adrienne is never present......hmm, Kyle sure does seem like Adrienne's proxy now that I think of every argument regarding Adrienne and Brandi's beef without Adrienne even being present.  Yup, sure seems blatant. 

As if on cue, Yolanda stands, gives her regards and leaves.  Doesn't exchange harsh words, doesn't continuing arguing, but very elegantly excuses herself.  I'd love to see more of that on this show, maturity.

Anyway, can't wait to see next week's episode.  Looks like Adrienne is going to deny suing Brandi.......say what now?